FM Sort of Day

I have really tried to remain positive for almost a year regarding my fibromyalgia. I have refused to let it take over my life and control what I can and cannot do. As I have mentioned before in previous entries, my worst months for fibro flares have always been February, August and November. This year has been a strange one when it has come to the weather which usually plays a big role in my flare-ups. It is December 15th and I am having one of the worst days I can imagine. Actually the last several weeks have been miserable. Today though I am in such severe pain I just want to scream at the top of my lungs! I am having so much trouble typing this but I thought that I would "journal" today on here.

I wish I could describe it but I can't. Yes as usual, I feel like I have been hit by a train, but the weird sensations & pain in my arms, legs, shoulders, neck, etc. right now are so annoying that they are overpowering my every thought. I can't even watch the movie that is currently on. I can't even believe that I am able to even put a straight thought into what I am typing. Maybe I'm not. Maybe this makes no sense whatsoever. Maybe I'm just venting in my own way.

I really hate to complain & discuss my fibromyalgia with negativity because I know that all that does is bring me and the people around me down. I am trying so hard to fight it but right now the fibromyalgia is winning. I know it won't last forever. It comes and goes. The weather sucks! It's cold! We're supposed to be getting some kind of wintry mix tonight! UGH!!!!

I changed my blog so as not to concentrate on the fibromyalgia and try to make it a more positive escape. Today is not positive. That doesn't mean tomorrow will not be. I am still human and I will have my bad days. Yes I feel like complaining about it today because I am so frustrated.

The thing with FM is for instance, right now out of nowhere I get this sharp pain in my left knee that feelis like someone is stabbing it with a knife & twisting it around. It kind of just moves from one part of my body to the next.

I like to offer solutions and help and once again, positivity, but today is about me & my pain and I am going to whine about it! Althought I really don't think I can type much longer as I lay here on the sofa, miserably uncomfortable.

I think my rant is over. I know there is really no real content or valuable information in what I am typing but just knowing that I cannot always be perfect and happy and perky and yes, positive just makes me normal like everyone else.
I suffer for a reason. I sometimes pray that as I suffer in pain that I can take the pain of others away-if that makes any sense. It does to me. Even though I think like that I still am going to complain and say once in a while "It sucks to be me" even if it's just for a moment or an hour or a day, week, month or year. There are other people worse off than me and I should feel blessed and I do! Life really is great!

Feeling better now! :-)

Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired

So here I am having another FM flare-up. Once again the weather is a contributing factor I'm sure.
This past weekend I went to a baby shower for Susanna (Jennifer's Stepdaughter) and had a very nice time. It was great to see everyone, including, Jennifer & Payton. I knew that this would wear on me because of the drive to Gastonia and just the fact of being somewhere for that long a period of time.
This whole week has been torturous for me and yesterday was the worst day of all. I literally could not move and got into one of my "why me" moments which I do experience every once in a while. Yes I try to think positive but sometime the pain does overpower that and you can't think of anything else. I actually cried myself to sleep last night. Yes even positive people have bad days too. I am human but I have decided not to let it stop me or take over my life.
I woke up today feeling pretty much the same. The old me would have stayed in bed all day, believe me I really wanted to do that today, but I had plans. My friends Brenda & Beth took me to lunch for my birthday and we had a great time. After that I even went and got my Pandora Teapot charm that I have been wanting for a long time with some money that my godmother sent me.
I refuse to let this thing win! Today is Payton's 3rd birthday and I can't believe how fast she is growing. We will be going out to Jennifer's tomorrow to celebrate. I will be there- no matter how bad I feel. I have to live my life and enjoy every minute of it. I know there will be times when I will have to cancel on someone, but I am going to try my best to pace myself, listen to my body, do what I can while I can. I do need to rest though, and I plan to do that starting Monday.
Once again- another confusing blog by "me"

Hectic Week

So I've had kind of a hectic week. 1st of all I am having a major FM flare and so my pain has been excruciating and I have had the usual fatigue as well. Stress also aggravates this. Amongst other things, one of my good friends from high school, Francis, had colon cancer surgery on Tuesday. They took 9 inches of his intestine. He is just waiting on the biopsy results from the lymph nodes which he should have tomorrow or Tuesday. I am praying really hard that everything comes back clean. He also seems to have found someone that makes him really happy, she also went to our high school and I am so happy for both of them. They really deserve happiness.
Anyway, on Wednesday, on of my BFFs, Rockin' Robin, had surgery on her tibia from a fracture that she got in an accident. They had to put a plate in her leg so that she could walk normal. She has to keep weight off of it for 8 weeks. Bless her heart- She is an awesome person with a huge heart of gold. The surgery turned out well. keeping her in my prayers too.
I have also had several things going on this week- I just feel crazy!!
My lack of motivation has really shown itself this week. I have been sending daily quotes to over 200 people every week-day for I don't know how long and this past week I didn't send them. I am using the excuse that it was a holiday week and nobody needed extra junk in their e-mail. I also haven't prepared the ones for this coming week. I don't know what to do.
I had some mailings to get out from the HOA to all the neighbors regarding speed limits, which I did manage to do. I am also supposed to be working on the neighborhood website but I haven't had a chance (or motivation) to do that either. I really need to get on the ball. Maybe if I organized my office some then maybe it would make it easier for me to work. I will try to work on that tomorrow- not procrastinating- it IS 10 pm ;-)
So many people have died this week, both famous and personal acquaintances which is really sad for me.
John took the week off to relax- I hope he was able to get some relaxation before returning to work tomorrow.
This is a boring entry I know, but oh well, I guess it is more for my benefit.
I hope my pain starts to diminish soon so that I can feel active again. Still sucks to be me but that is who I am and I accept it.

Another Bad Day

Today is a very bad day. I usually say I feel like I have been hit by a truck but today I am going to say that I feel like I have been hit by a 3 locomotive train, not that I know what that feels like, and of course I would be dead if I had been hit by one. Anyway I guess I just try to compare it to what I think it would feel like. I am having trouble typing this right now. I would never wish this illness on anyone, yet there are so many people suffering from it. WE NEED A CURE! Although many think it is associated with the muscles, I think it is more of a neurological thing, just because of all the other symptoms that I have too; tingling, numbness, sensitivity to being touched, burning sensation on your skin, etc. I just hope that this big flare up ends soon, I don't know how much more of this I can take, and Thanksgiving is this week and I want to be able to enjoy it with my family. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I love doing all of the cooking. We'll see how that turns out-stay tuned...

Bad Flare Day

This has been quite a week. This latest flare has been pretty bad. Not really what I had in mind for the week. I really wanted to work some in the yard but that has been totally out of the question. The weather here now isn't helping either.

Had a dentist appointment today and then went to lunch with my friend Brenda who so patiently listened to me vent about this and that. She really is the best! Afterward I came home exhausted and in pain. There was a memorial mass for one of my high school friends Dan Sullivan which I decided not to go to. It really killed me but I just couldn't. Afterward some of my high school friends and I were going to go up to Brio, I am assuming they are probably still there-who knows. Dan died in September and I did go to a memorial service back then for him on the same day as our 25th class reunion. Today was really just a memorial mass given in his name. My dad was able to go to pay his respects to the family.

These are the hard decisions I have to make. To go or not to go. I do it all based on how I am feeling at the time, that is why sometimes I will not know until the last minute if I will be able to do something or not and that is why I don't like making plans ahead of time, although I am trying to make plans and stick to them because I do not want this to control my life. I want to lead as much of a normal life as possible. I am trying my hardest.

Anyway- I think more rain tomorrow. I have one appointment tomorrow and then I will take it from there. Maybe I will actually go run an errand or two. We'll see.