Wednesday, December 15, 2010
FM Sort of Day
I have really tried to remain positive for almost a year regarding my fibromyalgia. I have refused to let it take over my life and control what I can and cannot do. As I have mentioned before in previous entries, my worst months for fibro flares have always been February, August and November. This year has been a strange one when it has come to the weather which usually plays a big role in my flare-ups. It is December 15th and I am having one of the worst days I can imagine. Actually the last several weeks have been miserable. Today though I am in such severe pain I just want to scream at the top of my lungs! I am having so much trouble typing this but I thought that I would "journal" today on here.
I wish I could describe it but I can't. Yes as usual, I feel like I have been hit by a train, but the weird sensations & pain in my arms, legs, shoulders, neck, etc. right now are so annoying that they are overpowering my every thought. I can't even watch the movie that is currently on. I can't even believe that I am able to even put a straight thought into what I am typing. Maybe I'm not. Maybe this makes no sense whatsoever. Maybe I'm just venting in my own way.
I really hate to complain & discuss my fibromyalgia with negativity because I know that all that does is bring me and the people around me down. I am trying so hard to fight it but right now the fibromyalgia is winning. I know it won't last forever. It comes and goes. The weather sucks! It's cold! We're supposed to be getting some kind of wintry mix tonight! UGH!!!!
I changed my blog so as not to concentrate on the fibromyalgia and try to make it a more positive escape. Today is not positive. That doesn't mean tomorrow will not be. I am still human and I will have my bad days. Yes I feel like complaining about it today because I am so frustrated.
The thing with FM is for instance, right now out of nowhere I get this sharp pain in my left knee that feelis like someone is stabbing it with a knife & twisting it around. It kind of just moves from one part of my body to the next.
I like to offer solutions and help and once again, positivity, but today is about me & my pain and I am going to whine about it! Althought I really don't think I can type much longer as I lay here on the sofa, miserably uncomfortable.
I think my rant is over. I know there is really no real content or valuable information in what I am typing but just knowing that I cannot always be perfect and happy and perky and yes, positive just makes me normal like everyone else.
I suffer for a reason. I sometimes pray that as I suffer in pain that I can take the pain of others away-if that makes any sense. It does to me. Even though I think like that I still am going to complain and say once in a while "It sucks to be me" even if it's just for a moment or an hour or a day, week, month or year. There are other people worse off than me and I should feel blessed and I do! Life really is great!
Feeling better now! :-)